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The injustices of Life

This mortal journey is full of perils, some unavoidable. As we are tested and stretched by these trials, we realize that we are not invincible. We get discouraged, hurt, and disappointed when our expectations are not met. If we allow these feelings to fester, they can turn into anger, bitterness, and resentment.

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This month, we will celebrate the first birthday of our son. I reflect on his first year of life and the minor challenges he has already overcome. He was stung by a wasp when only 2 weeks old. Has had 2 ear infections. Has fallen or bumped his head on numerous occasions. This mortal journey is full of perils, some unavoidable. As we are tested and stretched by these trials, we realize that we are not invincible. We get discouraged, hurt, and disappointed when our expectations are not met. If we allow these feelings to fester, they can turn into anger, bitterness, and resentment.

My current situation in life has opened the gates to these emotions.

Two years ago, my husband had his second shoulder surgery. It was decided that he would need to be medically separated from the Marine Corps. Even though he was on limited duty for the final year of his contract, his body continued to cave to the pressures exerted on his body day to day. He developed a tear in his hip which has yet to be fixed. He lives in constant pain from his joints being loose and the muscles and ligaments overworking to hold him together. He is unable to sit, stand, or walk normally for long periods of time. While this makes spending time together or doing chores difficult, I was very sympathetic at first, understanding the pain that he was in.

Being pregnant must have opened up a whole Pandora’s box of hormones and I have struggled many days to find empathy. We were physically separated for the last trimester of the pregnancy due to his impending release from the Marine Corps and my nesting desire to be in a stable situation. I moved back with my parents and prepared for the arrival of our son. I developed a pregnancy rash that caused horrible itching and wanted to claw my skin off some days. The morning my water broke, Skylar was still in South Carolina. 8 hours from Alabama. This baby wasn’t waiting for anybody though and was born only 1 hour and 45 min later. I experienced a drug-free, traumatic birth that I had not anticipated… without my partner. (He was able to stay a mere 2 weeks after the birth.) To keep it short: we had trouble breastfeeding, sleepless nights, physical recovery, all of these took place without him for a month and half.

Fast forward to a few months ago when my hubby finished a semester of school, feeling more broken than ever. We decided that I would go back to work and he would stay at home with our 8-month-old son. The first couple week were like a breath of fresh air. But I soon realized that my anxiety was back in full force, wanting to control every thing he ate, when he slept, and what was done around the house.

I began to focus on the negatives. I became angry when things were not done like I wanted. Resentful that I was the one having to work and provide for our family. Bitter over the time that was stolen from me that I had hoped to spend with my baby at home. I found little peace and comfort. I felt I had no friends, no hobbies, no way to seek relaxation. Depression overwhelmed me some nights.

I reached out on social media to the Mormon Military Members page, hoping to find some solace in similar suffering. The response I received from one member was inspiring. “One of the most important things is allowing yourselves time to grieve the life you thought and hoped you’d have.”

I never even thought of mourning this loss of an “expected life” or “ideal situation”. As I read in the scriptures under ‘grief’, I found deeper meaning in the passage from Isaiah 53:4-5, “Surely he hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows: …And with his stripes we are healed.”

While I have not yet found healing, I have realized that EVERYONE goes through injustices and losses in life. WE DO NOT SUFFER ALONE. Recently, I began reading the book “Jesus Wept: Understanding & Enduring Loss” by Joyce & Dennis Ashton, and while I am only in the 3rd chapter, peace is beginning to creep in to enter my heart.

We read in the scriptures: “Those that mourn will be sanctified and have eternal life.” Moses 7:45. But while we are still in this mortal life, and as we seek to be perfected, we must openly admit our limitations, adapt to loss, discover our “New Normal” (pg. 8, Jesus Wept), and go on to live our lives with joy.

 

Ezra Taft Benson

Jesus Christ—Gifts and Expectations

by President Ezra Taft Benson

“Yes, men and women who turn their lives over to God will find out that he can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life to God will find he has eternal life.

And now as to our sacrifice to him. Yes, sacrifice is the crowning test of the gospel. Men are tried and tested in this mortal probation to see if they will put first into their lives the things of the kingdom of God. (See Matt. 6:33.) To gain eternal life they must be willing, if called upon, to sacrifice all things for the gospel. “If thou wilt be perfect,” Jesus said to the rich young man, “go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.”

First blog post

Burdens made light.

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I first wish to articulate something that has been on my mind for the past couple weeks.

 

Reflecting on the experiences shared at Time out for Women and another personal story a woman in church shared recently… It made me think of the phrase that everyone says “God will never give you more than you can handle” and what is it exactly to ‘handle’ something. If its something you are meant to get thru alone, then it probably won’t be more than you can handle, but I think often times we are given challenges that ARE more than we can handle ALONE. If we turn to God, he gives us the strength and determination to bear that burden. It reminds me of the people of Alma who were enslaved and felt the burden was too heavy to handle alone.

Mosiah 24:10-16

10 And it came to pass that so great were their afflictions that they began to cry mightily to God.

11 And Amulon commanded them that they should stop their cries; and he put guards over them to watch them, that whosoever should be found calling upon God should be put to death.

12 And Alma and his people did not raise their voices to the Lord their God, but did pour out their hearts to him; and he did know the thoughts of their hearts.

13 And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.

14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

16 And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage.

 

He didnt take away their burden, but made it lighter, so that they could be happy, knowing the Lord was on their side, and then because of their faith and patience, the Lord promised to finally deliver them.

 

I struggle to ‘submit cheerfully’. I learned this lesson while in Spain to accept the Lord’s will in all things, but not being a missionary anymore, I have slipped out of this mindset.

 

I bought a book while at Time Out for Women called The Christ-Centered Home by Emily Belle Freeman. She shares 12 stories from the New Testament of Jesus visiting people’s homes and poses thought provoking questions about your own home and how to better invite Him in. The reason I mention this book is because I recognized something missing in my life. While I testify of the truthfulness of the Savior and His gospel, my day-to-day activities are not always geared towards inviting the Spirit into my day and helping me bear the burdens of life.

 

It is one step of becoming perfected.